Tour Tales

Helping people find their way

When times are slow in my day job, and demand for guides is high, I step back from helping people with retirement planning, life insurance and retirement planning. My favorite, and most sincere thing to tell visitors is “my name is Joe. Welcome to Niagara Falls. It is a privilege to share my city with you.”

In recent weeks, I have had some fascinating guests and some cultural shock.

Embracing a rock island

As a guide, I try to impersonate a Newfoundlander – that means be as helpful as possible to everyone you meet, whether it’s a visitor, staff changing trash bags or working at the Maid of the Mist dock.

Last week, as I was pedaling home I saw two people looking at their phone, trying to navigate to 7/11 on Niagara Street. They were almost to Spruce on the bike path.

I pointed in the distance. They were blocks from Tops Portage Road which was closer than 7/11. The cute, young couple said they were here on summer work visas from Albania and are staying on Pine Avenue.

I forgot about that until the other day when I saw the young woman again, working as a guide, waiting for the boat to return. Her name is Andla. I can’t imagine at the age of 20-ish having the confidence to go to a foreign country and speak a second language while giving tours. What chutzpah.

‘I hate Putin’

Another guest had a his wife and two children with him. The wife wore a full Hijab.

“Where are you from?” I asked

“Chechnya, not Czechia” he said.

“You mean like that country Putin invaded?”

“You know it,” he said, smiling. “I hate Putin.”

Later he expressed disappointment he couldn’t put his drone up to get images of the waterfall. The children were infants. He mentioned having an appointment in LA to deal with passport issues. I wondered if they were born here and perhaps the sort of people our President just lost a Supreme Court case about.

An angry Texan

I regularly tell the story of AME Bishop Silvester Beaman, who was called by President Biden in Nov. 2020 and asked to do the Benediction at the inauguration.

Bishop Beaman is a proud son of Niagara Falls and stood on Calumet Avenue with me a few years ago and reminisced about the days when a single factory wage earner could support a successful family, raising doctors, lawyers, educators and the occasional pastor. I almost always end the story with “If the President calls you and asks for a favor, regardless of politics, you help him out.” Almost always.

As I finished the story, I saw this man in my group with a Marines hat scowling at me.

I walked over and talked to him.

“Fuck Joe Biden!” he said. “He let 20 million illegals into my country!”

The visitor took out his wallet and showed a disabled veteran card. I thanked him for his service.

I didn’t see him interact with any other guests or get off the boat. I better not forget that caveat again. “Almost always.” Eat my words.

Yemeni

Passing guests through the Maid line, we hand one ticket at a time. I had a Yemeni man with 4 Burqa’d women, gowned from head to toe, even face.

The patriarch kept them behind him and would not permit me to hand them tickets. The ticketseller at the Maid objected. I tried to explan.

She was exasperated but let me break the rule. After they left I explained what had happened and that permitting me to hand a ticket to the women traveling with him would be dishonorable.

People from California

A dentist and his wife, from Napa, came to Port Colborne, Ontario, aboard a Viking Cruise ship. I did not realize it was 50-minutes 1-way to pick them up.

Online is confusing. I told them to buy Niagara City Cruises tickets and stay in Canada. Online, they ended up at Get Your Guide and purchased a 10 a.m. Maid of the Mist boat tour.

I realized their error, had them cancel their reservation and buy tickets at the window. I was relieved to be able to take them to the US side because Niagara Falls, Canada is very crowded, commercial, expensive and unpleasant unless to only care about the view of 3 waterfalls or are into the honkey tonk of Clifton Hill.

The drive to Port Colborne passes the new $3.5 billion trauma center under construction. It is mammoth.

About the Red Coach

We decided to get an anniversary dinner at the Red Coach Inn. We tried and failed last year and ended up at Dick & Jenny’s on Grand Island.

This time, I had a strategy for parking (the reason we failed last year).

We made our reservation and a plan to park in Lot 3 at the far end of Goat Island. It was about a 10-minute walk in the park and across the bridge to the Red Coach Inn and way more pleasant.

Dinner was great. Our server Andrej said he was here for the summer from Romania.

About that viewing platform

Most of the Maid of the Mist viewing platform is open again, enshrouded to higher fencing and netting aimed at suicide prevention.

A ranger is stationed on the platform to watch over the still active work area. The platform has been closed for repairs all season.

Four people climbed the fence and jumped to their end last season. You can’t prevent suicide. You can prevent people from landing on the guests and workers below.